


Insomnolence

by EternalSurvivor



Series: Naruto Rare Pairs [9]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, Mental Health Issues, Naruto Rare Pair Bingo 2019, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Relationship, Prompt: Sakura
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-09-25 00:50:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20367910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EternalSurvivor/pseuds/EternalSurvivor
Summary: The insomnia that follows Shukaku's removal has Gaara seeking medical assistance from Konoha. Tsunade sends Sakura to help, only she's carrying some baggage that may affect her ability to objectively treat her high-profile patient.





	Insomnolence

**Author's Note:**

> Possible Trigger Warning: Sakura is dealing with PTSD and all that entails. She has a panic attack in this and there is some unintentional self-harm. For those with mental health issues, please take care while reading.
> 
> I struggled with this story. It got away on me and went in a direction in the second half I wasn't expecting and this is what I ended up with. I'm not sure if I like the ending, but it feels satisfying, in a strange way. I hope you all enjoy.
> 
> This story takes place about a month after the Rescue Gaara arc.

Naruto Rare Pair Bingo Prompt: Sakura

* * *

The slight quiver remained in her hands, despite her best efforts to quell her unease. She was a medical shinobi, looking after patients was her duty. It didn’t matter who they were or what circumstances brought them into her care. All allies deserved the best she could deliver.

Sabaku no Gaara was no exception.

Sakura focused on the jade illuminating her hands as they curled around his skull. Tendrils of red hair brushed her fingertips, sending slight tingles across her skin. Three years of conditioning, of treating injured shinobi at the hospital back home, prevented her from jerking her hands away.

She swallowed hard and forced herself to breathe. Deep inhale, slow exhale, repeat. Her throat constricted, phantom pressure pushing across her neck and collarbone. It wasn’t real. It’s not real.

_ Don’t let the trauma win! _

His hair was soft, his face gently, relaxed, trusting of her abilities. This was the Godaime Kazekage, not the demon-possessed youth from the forests of her first chunin exam. Gaara wasn’t going to kill her, he wasn’t an enemy. Not anymore.

He wasn’t the same as back then.

“I think I found the problem. You were right to request help from Konoha for this. Healing the brain requires precise skills a small number of elite medic-nin would possess.” She pulled her hands back, the glow of her medical jutsu receding when she stemmed the chakra flow. “There’s a small area in the hypothalamus called the ventrolateral preoptic nucleus. It controls the brain’s switch from wakefulness to sleep. That area in your brain is underdeveloped, there’s a lack of normative neuron activity.”

“You believe this is the cause of my insomnia?” His voice was a soft rumble when he spoke, like the baritone of a massive bear attempting to lessen its might.

Sakura ignored the way it crawled down her spine and mixed a strange combination of jitters in her stomach. Anxiety, apprehension, uncertainty, but not exactly fear. She wasn’t sure what to do with the strange emotions Gaara provoked within her. “In my professional opinion? Yes. As Shukaku’s jinchuuriki, you hardly slept and when you did, it was chakra-induced.”

“Are you able to remedy the problem?” His face remained professionally neutral, but her years of medical training let Sakura pick up on the slight creases by his eyes. Gaara was truly exhausted and doing his best to hide it.

“I believe so.” She offered him a small smile she hoped was reassuring. “I can stimulate the development of the ventrolateral preoptic nucleus with my healing chakra while you sleep. It will take several nights, but you should be able to fall asleep on your own by the time we’re done.”

Those pale green eyes bore into her, seemed to see right through to her very heart and soul. A cold sweat broke out on her brow. “In theory.”

“Yes, in theory. We won’t know if the procedure will be successful until I try…” Sakura flexed her fingers and breathed deep. The pressure was back, gripping her throat, squeezing, choking, she was going to- “I’m confident I’ll be able to help you, Kazekage-sama.”

The resulting pause left the air between them rife with tension. It was several moments before he finally spoke. “Your presence will be required while I attempt to sleep.”

“Er, yes, My Lord.”

“...Gaara.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Please call me Gaara. You are Naruto’s friend, therefore you’re mine as well.”

The weird coil of jitters inside her seemed to come alive. Her stomach lurched and flipped, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “Of course, Gaara-sama.” 

* * *

The first night was awkward. She wasn’t just required to be close while he tried to sleep, she needed direct contact with his head.

The Kazekage’s private chambres were lavish in ways Sakura never experienced before. Not even Tsunade-shishou’s Hokage apartments were quite like this. She shifted back against the pillows, her legs stretched out across the plush, extremely comfortable mattress. Gaara’s bed would easily fit all her agemates and still have room for their senseis if everyone squished.

And it went unused!

Sakura watched with utter amazement as the Kazekage propped his gourd against the wall and eased back into a seated, leaning position. His eyes slid closed, his body slowly relaxing. She eyed him silently for a few minutes, trying to figure out if this was some elaborate prank or not. Gaara didn’t seem the type, but he was close with his brother, and _ Kankuro? _That idiot definitely had the sway to talk Gaara into something like this. “What are you doing?”

Green eyes, several shades paler than her own, slid open. “Attempting to sleep.”

“Against the damn wall?!” He couldn’t be serious, not with a bed this amazingly comfortable less than ten feet away.

“This is adequate-”

“It is not! No wonder you can’t get any sleep! Do you have any idea how counterproductive a seated position is to getting a good night’s rest? You’re not on a mission and I’m not sitting on the floor all night. Get over here.”

The awkward silent returned, thickening the air with uncomfortable tension. Gaara stared at her, his expression unreadably neutral. Heat slowly seeped into Sakura’s cheeks. She’d just told off the leader of an allied nation like he was Naruto! What the heck was she thinking?! Much to her amazement though, Gaara complied. The mattress dipped beneath his weight as he stretched out on his back at her side. “Will this suffice?

“Uh, yes?”

Gaara’s mouth turned down into a frown. He shifted just enough to pillow his head in her lap. “Now?”

“Y-Yes! This is great!” She grabbed his shoulders on reflex. Any closer would have the Kazekage completely on top of her. “The angle is perfect. A-are you comfortable?”

Gaara’s eyes had already slid shut again. “I am.”

Sakura drew in a sharp breath, trying to ignore the coil of anxiety in the pit of her stomach. Gaara wasn’t the monster who tried to kill her back then. That was the Shukaku’s influence on a young boy who never knew anything but loneliness and pain. The attempt at rationalization did little to stop the slight tremble in her hands. “O-Okay then, please try to sleep.”

Lacing his hands together atop his stomach was the only response Sakura received. Sighing softly, the medic brought her glowing green hands to either side of Gaara’s head, just between his temples and ears. With over three years of skilled practice, she brought her chakra down to a low trickle. It thrummed through the tenketsu at her fingertips, as steady and intimate as the blood pumping through her veins. She concentrated on that familiarity and let it guide her through the night. 

* * *

The silence during the second night stretched longer and more awkward than the first. Resting her back against the headboard, Sakura did her best not to tense up. Gaara’s head was pillowed in her lap once more, his hands laced together over his stomach. Her chakra dwindled to that carefully controlled thrum and trickled through her tenketsu to tingle against her fingertips.

Not a word passed between them so her mind was left to wander in the dim light. Sakura’s gaze shifted over his facial features, softened as they were in his attempt to sleep. Her fingers flexed through the urge to clench, a nervous habit she’d developed after those chunin exams and never quite overcame.

Gaara really was handsome. It was just difficult to separate Naruto’s precious friend, the Godaime Kazekage, and the Shukaku-possessed monster from the forest that day. She was _ trying_, she didn’t want to associate them anymore, it was just… The trauma, the nightmares, took years of therapy to overcome. She wasn't sure if she'd ever completely move on.

And now the source of all that suffering was laying in her lap for the second time. Sakura didn’t know how to feel about that. Anxiety twisted with uncertainty in her stomach. No, she wasn’t afraid of Gaara, not any longer. It was the unknown that left her nerves buzzing beneath her skin. She focused on her breathing, focused on the familiar hum of her chakra as she stimulated his hypothalamus.

This was her profession. She was a medical kunoichi training under the legendary sannin, the Godaime Hokage herself. Tsunade-shishou trusted her abilities, her professionalism, to carry out this special request from their closest ally. Yes, she could do this. Two villages were counting on the results of her treatment method.

Sakura wouldn’t let Tsunade or Gaara's faith in her be misplaced. 

* * *

“You’re scared of me.”

The simple statement came on the sixth night, several hours after they assumed the same position as the previous healing sessions. Gaara rested in her lap, his hands folded across his chest like a corpse laid out for a funeral viewing.

Always the professional when the health of a patient was in her hands, Sakura’s carefully controlled thread of chakra remained steady. Her fingers quivered against his head, an involuntary reaction to Gaara’s speaking so suddenly.

She schooled her voice to keep steady, “No, Gaara-sama, that’s not it-”

“Your hands are trembling.”

Biting her bottom lip, Sakura withdrew her hands from his head. “...It’s not you.” She murmured so softly, she barely heard her own words. She shook her head and inhaled deeply. “Not anymore, at least.”

Those pale green eyes slid open to meet her own emerald ones. “You speak of Shukaku.”

Sakura swallowed the bile rising in her throat, pushed the panic down with a stubborn, sheer force of will. “...The chunin exams in Konoha, Sasuke followed you into the woods, we-” The chunin cut herself off, one hand silently rubbing her throat. The muscles constricted and tensed, making it harder to breathe.

For a moment, Gaara simply studied her face. Uncomfortable apprehension stretched between them, coiling the queasiness in her stomach until she felt nauseous. Then, recognition flickered through his pale irises. “...I pinned you to a tree.”

Sakura tensed, the pressure in her throat and chest momentarily cutting off her air supply. Phantom pain quivered down her back and through her head like he’d slammed her into that hard bark all over again. Panic crept into the back of her mind, her vision blurred and darkened at the edges. _ No! Don’t let it take control. Not again, not after all that work to move past it! _

A sharp pain shot up her thigh and snapped her mind back from the panicked edge. She tasted something metallic on her tongue, felt the warm trickle of moisture down her cheeks. Great, she’d bitten through her bottom lip _ and _ she was crying. Sakura went to pull her hand from her thigh-

_ When had she moved?! _

-only to find it pinned in place. The medic shook her head to clear the cobwebs, her vision slowly coming back into focus, to find herself face-to-face with Gaara’s torturously neutral expression. She blinked, then blinked again. Mere inches apart, she could make out the slight tension in his jaw, the taut stretch of pale skin across muscle.

“Have you returned to yourself?”

Her brows knitted together in confusion. “...Returned to myself?” That’s when she felt the gritty slide against her bare arms, skitting across legs, hips and ribs to encircle her back.

_ Sand. _

The pain in her thigh tripled so suddenly, a soft gasp slipped past her lips. Forcing herself to remain calm, Sakura drew in several steady breaths. “Y-Yes, I’m fine.”

The sand slowly receded, skittered along the bed and onto the floor as it disappeared back into Gaara’s gourd. Something warm squeezed firmly around her hand. As if in a dream, her gaze shifted from his face to her thigh.

Gaara’s hand, much larger than her own, clenched tightly over her shaking fist. She clutched the hilt of a kunai with the blade half-buried in her own thigh. The medic’s face drained of colour. She’d had a panic attack and stabbed herself less than six inches from where the Godaime Kazekage’s head rested in her lap.

_ There was no way he could take that besides an attempt on his life.  
_

Panic seized her muscles for an entirely different reason. She’d majorly fucked up. In all tense and purposes, a medic-nin from an allied village had just attempted to assassinate the Kazekage. This would cause an international incident! How was the place not swarming with ANBU?!

Wait, did Suna even use ANBU?

With slow, deliberate movements, Gaara drew her hand and the kunai away from her thigh. He pressed firmly to her knuckles, forcing her stiff fingers open. The kunai clattered to the floor with a dull _ thunk. _“Sakura-san,” that deep baritone rumbled in a soft, soothing manner. “Can you heal yourself?”

Her voice caught in her throat so she nodded.

Reaching for her other hand, Gaara brought them both to her bleeding thigh. His touch remained firm, insistently covering her hands as they began to glow green with her healing chakra. The throb slowly dwindled as her flesh knitted back together. Only once the wound was healed did Gaara pull his hands away. “We will stop here for tonight. Please return to your chambers.”

Biting back the silent screams in her head, Sakura shifted off the bed and bowed to the Kazekage. “O-Of course, Gaara-sama.”

* * *

“What is this?”

Sakura halted less than ten feet from the gates of Sunagakure. Drawing in a deep breath, she steeled her nerves and turned to face the Kazekage. Despite the heat of the midday sun, he was clad from head to toe in traditional kage robes. She squared her chin, hands fisted against her sides. “A letter of resignation and instructions for your medics to complete the procedure.”

His mouth set into a disapproving line. “You shall finish my treatment.”

It took all her training as a shinobi to keep the surprise from showing on her face. He couldn’t be serious, not after last night. She should be court-marshalled and thrown in prison for what she’d done. Acting on instinct like that was a rookie mistake. She could’ve caused a war between Suna and Konoha. “With all due respect, Kazekage-sama-”

His mouth turned down in an unsatisfied frown. “I requested you use my name, Sakura-san.”

The medic inhaled deeply and bowed her head to him out of obligation and guilt. “My apologies, Gaara-sama. Please allow me to explain my actions.”

Gaara folded his arms across his chest. The sand gourd shifted slightly on his back with the movement. “Very well, you will join me for lunch.”

“What? No! I can’t-!”

Any protest she might have used fell on deaf ears. Gaara had already turned and was making his way through the sand-dusted streets towards the administration building that housed the Kazekage’s offices. She had to run to catch up with him. His pace slowed just enough for her to fall into step beside him. Things grew uncomfortably silent between them again. Heads turned as they walked past, whispers following the unlikely pair all the way to their destination.

Instead of heading through Administration’s main entrance, Gaara rounded the building and slipped through an isolated backdoor. Hesitating a moment, Sakura slowly followed behind them. The pair passed by several shinobi behind desks, each of which greeted the Kazekage with familiar friendliness. A sand kunoichi looked up when he walked past. “The usual, Gaara-sama?”

“Make it for two please, Ameno-san.” He inclined his head to her in respect, then slipped through the door to her left.

Sakura stopped short at the desk, recognition flicking through her emerald eyes. “I know you. We participated in the chunin exams together last year.”

“Indeed, Haruno-san, it’s wonderful to see you again.”

“Did you make chunin?”

“I did, thank you for asking.”

Sakura genuinely smiled for what felt like the first time in days. It was great to know some of the participants from other villages made chunin as well. “You’re a medic, what’re you doing in the administration building at a desk? Surely Kazekage-sama can see the benefit of your skills.”

“Gaara-sama has given me funding to research poisons from the desert surrounding Sunagakure and develop antidotes for them. He believes my research will be of great assistance to my fellow shinobi. I greatly enjoy my work.” Ameno's smile was tight as she motioned towards the door Gaara previously entered. “Please proceed to the conference room, I’ll bring lunch to you there.”

_ ...What? What was that just now? _ Blinking in surprise, Sakura took a step back, surprised by the cool politeness of the other kunoichi. Has she said something offensive? “Uh right, thanks.”

The conference room was spacious and quiet when she entered. A large, round table took up the majority of the room, red chairs of plush velvet ringed the table. Gaara sat in one to the right of the door, his Kazekage hat and sand gourd removed but close at hand. “Please take a seat, Sakura-san.”

“Of course, Gaara-sama.” She sank into the chair next to him. Drawing in a deep breath, the medic cleared her throat. “After what happened last night, I don’t think it would be appropriate for me to continue your treatment. I-I blacked out and acted without thinking.” She folded her hands before her on the table and clenched them tightly. “No, I… I wasn’t really able to think. I don’t remember drawing that kunai, but that’s beside the point. I could’ve caused an international incident. I honestly don’t understand why I haven’t been arrested.”

“I prohibited retaliation. No harm was done.”

“No harm?! I pulled a kunai-”

Gaara held up a hand to cut off her outburst. Ameno carried a tray into the conference room and placed it between them. “Thank you, Ameno-san, please see we are not disturbed.”

The kunoichi bowed to her kage and shut the door firmly behind her. Shifting forward, Gaara lifted the lid from their meal. “Help yourself.” The difference in cuisine was something Sakura never quite git used to. Still, the arrangement looked delicious. The bed of couscous was accentuated by an assortment of desert crops- dates, tomatoes, peppers and pickled beets- with a side of mutton. 

That tense silence filled the void between them as they dished out their meal. Sakura picked at her food, hunger having left her since her panic attack the night before. A throb ebbed through her thigh, a reminder of just how close she’d come to losing it while treating a patient. Because the Kazekage was just that.

Someone she was supposed to help.

Gaara was Temari and Kankuro’s precious person and Naruto’s friend. This village flourished under his careful rule and the alliance Suna established with Konoha. So much had changed since then, neither she nor Gaara were the same people. She’d grown into a skilled medic, and he a capable, highly respected leader.

So why?

_ Why couldn’t she move past that day? _

It was so frustrating!

“I am sorry for the harm I have caused you, Sakura-san.”

The medic looked up from her food, a hand raising to cover her mouth in surprise. “Why are you apologizing? I’m the one who can’t get a grip. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Turning in his chair, Gaara bowed his head to Sakura. “I know what it is like to be caged in your own mind. We share similar mental struggles because of my past actions. For that, I apologize.”

Standing abruptly, Sakura shook her head. “Please… Gaara-sama. Please don’t blame yourself for what happened.” Hesitantly, she placed a hand on his shoulder and was surprised to find her grip steady. “We were enemies back then and… I believe everything happens for a reason. There are scars from what happened that day, yes. I’ll always carry those.” She drew in a deep breath to ground herself. Gaara appreciated candid honesty, that’s all she could offer. “I was scared for a long time, but I’m not anymore. I’ve done a lot of hard work to improve as a shinobi and a person, but I think you have too.”

Disbelief flickered through the Kazekage’s face. His normally neutral expression slowly softened as his pale eyes slid closed. Gaara leaned into her just enough to press his face against her stomach. Sakura stiffened, every muscle drawn taut from the unexpected contact. She sucked in a sharp breath, her fingers flexing where she still gripped his shoulder. Ever so slowly, her hands eased into his hair. Her fingers carted across his skull to cup the back of his head. “...We’ll figure this out, Gaara-sama. We’re shinobi, we endure. Maybe... Maybe we can do that together?”

She felt him sigh against her stomach, his breath warm, even through her cotton shirt. “Thank you, Sakura.”


End file.
